In the beginning, a game company called Wisdom Tree began producing unlicensed games for the NES. Wisdom Tree said, “Let there be shit,” and there was shit. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about: Bible games, like Bible Buffet, where you’re blowing off a snowman’s head, which has nothing to do with the Bible; Super Noah’s Ark 3D, where you’re slingshotting pissed-off animals; Sunday Funday, where you’re killing random people on your way to church; and all those ridiculous CD-i games. [game voice] Yippee! Yippee! Whoops! Yippee! I’ve already talked about these games in my previous Bible Games episodes. So what’s the point of going on anymore? ‘Cause part 3 is never as good. But, you know, there’s a few more Bible games left, so I might as well finish what I started by visiting https://casinoslots-ie.com/oriental-express I mentioned before that there’s a Game Boy game called The King James Bible.
Since then, I’ve actually gotten the game in my possession, so, I might as well try it out. I gotta admit, I thought this game would be nothing more than just reading the Bible on a Game Boy, but there actually are a couple games involved. The first one is a stupid memory game. All you do is match the words. The other one is just like playing hangman with sheep. You have to guess the hidden word by choosing all the correct letters. If you choose a wrong letter, one of the sheep will hop the fence. If they all get over the fence, you lose. Like, right now. I’m really stumped. Damn, ing sheep. All right, what’s the word? “Goodliest”? Who uses a word like that? “Blessedness”? Of course, they’re all ancient words that nobody says anymore in common speech. Well, that’s all there is to that. I marvel at this game’s shitliness. Of course, you can read the Bible, basically if you want to use your Game Boy as an old-fashioned e-book reader. I wonder how many batteries you’d need to go through the whole thing? The other thing you can do is search for words in the Bible.
For example, we could search, I don’t know, how about the word “ass.” Okay, I had no idea there’d be this many results. “Then they rent their clothes, and laded every man his ass,” “Loose his ox or his ass,” “Whose ass have I taken?” “Deliver unto his neighbor an ass,” “Which of you shall have an ass,” “He had found a young ass,” “The dumb ass,” [laughing] It says “dumb ass” in the Bible. “Saddled his ass,” “Opened his sack to give his ass”? “The lion had not eaten the carcass or torn the ass”? “Riding upon his ass”? [laughing] Oh, I’m going to Hell. Next game, we have something kinda special. It’s an unlicensed NES game called “6 in 1”. That’s pretty much the title. How creative. Unofficially, it’s known as “Caltron 6 in 1”, because the company who made it, Caltron, went out of business before they sold off all their games. “Hot Selling!” Yeah, right.